Winning the Bedtime Battle: A Step-by-Step Guide for Kids with Bedtime Anxiety and OCD Rituals
It’s 9:30 PM. You should be relaxing on the couch, but instead, you’re standing in your child’s doorway for the seventh time, negotiating.
“Just one more check.” “Did you hear that noise?” “Can you say goodnight exactly the same way again?”
The list of demands is endless. The OCD rituals at night have taken over, and what should be a peaceful end to the day has become a two-hour hostage situation. You’re exhausted, your child is exhausted, and you’re both dreading tomorrow night when you have to do it all over again.
If this is your reality, you're not just dealing with a kid who doesn't want to go to sleep. You’re in a nightly battle with Worry, and it’s been winning. But here’s the good news: you can change the rules of the game.
Why Bedtime is Worry’s Favorite Playground
At night, the world gets quiet. The distractions of school, screens, and activities fade away, leaving a wide-open space for anxious thoughts to rush in. For a child with bedtime anxiety, this quiet is deafening. Intrusive thoughts get louder, and the need to perform rituals to feel "safe" or "just right" becomes overwhelming.
Your loving instinct is to do whatever it takes to soothe them—you check, you reassure, you repeat. But in doing so, you've accidentally become Worry’s employee, carrying out its ridiculous demands. It's time to resign from that job and take on your real one: being your child’s coach.
The New Game Plan: Your 5-Step Guide to Taking Back the Night
You can’t just demand the rituals stop. That’s like trying to reason with a smoke alarm. Instead, you need a clear, step-by-step plan to show both your child and their anxiety that you are in charge now.
Step 1: Name the Bully
First things first: you and your child need a common enemy, and it’s not each other. Give the anxiety a silly name—the "Worry Monster," "Mr. Bossy," "the Glitch."
Say this (when everyone is calm): "It seems like the Worry Monster has been making up a lot of silly bedtime rules lately. You and I are a team, and we’re smarter than him. Let's start making our own rules."
This simple shift changes everything. It’s no longer you vs. your child; it’s your family vs. the Worry Monster.
Step 2: Write Down the (Current) Ridiculous Rules
You can't change a game plan if you don't know what it is. Sit down with your child and make a list of all the things the Worry Monster demands at night.
Check the closet 5 times.
Arrange stuffed animals perfectly.
Ask Mom if everyone is safe 10 times.
Wash hands for 5 minutes.
Write it all down. Seeing the list of nighttime compulsions on paper helps your child see how ridiculous Worry's demands are. It externalizes the problem.
Step 3: Shrink the Rituals, Don't Abolish Them (Yet)
This is where you start to win. You’re not going from five closet checks to zero overnight. That’s too big of a jump. Your job is to make the rituals a little bit worse for the Worry Monster, one night at a time.
Say this: "Okay, team. Tonight, we’re going to show the Worry Monster who’s boss. His rule is five closet checks. Our new rule is four. It’s going to feel weird, and the Worry Monster is going to complain, but we can handle it."
The goal isn't to eliminate the anxiety; it's to show your child they can handle the feeling of not doing the ritual perfectly.
Step 4: Change Your Script
When your child is panicking because they only checked the closet four times, your old script was probably reassurance ("I promise, everything is fine!"). Your new script is all about capability and confidence.
Your New Lines:
“I know this feels scary. This is what it feels like to boss back the Worry Monster.”
“Your brain is sending you a false alarm. I’m right here with you while you ride it out.”
“That’s just Worry talking. I’m not going to have a conversation with him.”
“You can handle this feeling. It’s just a feeling. It will pass.”
You are the calm anchor in their emotional storm. You’re not fixing the feeling; you’re showing them they can survive it.
Step 5: Expect a Tantrum (from the Worry Monster)
When you stop giving in, the Worry Monster will throw a fit. Your child’s anxiety might spike. They might cry, yell, and beg you to go back to the old rules. THIS IS A SIGN THAT IT'S WORKING.
The monster is losing its power, and it's getting loud about it. Your job is to hold the line. Stay calm, repeat your new script, and show your child that you are not afraid of their big feelings. This is how they learn that they don’t have to be, either.
The Bottom Line
Winning the bedtime battle isn't about finding a magic trick to make your child’s anxiety disappear. It's about systematically and confidently teaching them that they are capable of handling discomfort. You are moving from being Worry's fearful assistant to being your child's brave and steady coach. And that shift will finally bring peace back to your nights.
Need Support for Your Child's Anxiety or OCD?
Let's work together to find strategies that bring relief to your child and confidence to your parenting.
