How to Foster Your Child’s Self-Worth When Anxiety or OCD Makes Life Feel Small

If you’re parenting a child with anxiety or OCD, you already know how hard they work just to get through the day. You also know how hard you work – the accommodations, the constant planning, the managing of rituals or fears.

And despite all this effort, your child may still say things like:

• “I’m not good at anything.”

• “I’m just dumb.”

• “No one likes me.”

• “I can’t do it.”

These thoughts are painful to hear. They’re painful for your child to feel. But before you jump in to fix it or reassure them endlessly, here’s what’s important to understand:

Why Anxiety and OCD Attack Self-Worth

Anxiety and OCD are bullies. They thrive on control, certainty, and avoidance. The more a child listens to these anxious demands – “Don’t go there, don’t touch that, don’t try that” – the smaller their world becomes. Their sense of who they are and what they can handle starts to shrink.

When life gets small, self-worth plummets. They see themselves only through the lens of their struggles. They forget who they are outside of anxiety and OCD.

3 Ways to Foster Your Child’s Self-Worth When Life Feels Small

1. Stop Measuring Worth by Anxiety’s Standards

Anxiety and OCD set impossible standards:

“If you were brave, you wouldn’t be scared.”
“If you were smart, you wouldn’t need help.”

None of this is true.

Teach your child:

“Being brave means doing hard things even when you’re scared.”
“Being strong means trying again, not never needing help.”

The more you define worth by effort, values, and actions, the less power anxiety’s impossible standards hold.

2. Expand Their World in Small, Brave Ways

When life feels small, the goal is to gently stretch it open. Find one tiny brave thing they can do each day or each week:

• Saying hi to a peer

• Throwing away the trash by themselves

• Touching something their OCD says is “contaminated,” with support

• Sleeping with the light a little dimmer

Each small step teaches: “I can handle discomfort. I can do hard things.” This builds competence and true confidence.

3. Highlight Who They Are Beyond Anxiety and OCD

Make sure conversations aren’t only about worries, compulsions, or therapy goals. Help them connect to who they are outside of anxiety:

• Their kindness to a sibling

• Their creativity in building Lego worlds

• Their humor and silliness

• Their curiosity about space, bugs, or Minecraft

Remind them: “Anxiety is something you have, not who you are.”

Supporting Yourself as You Support Them

It’s exhausting to live around a child’s anxiety or OCD. The constant accommodations can feel like walking on eggshells. It’s okay to acknowledge that. Just remember:

Accommodations keep them stuck if used long-term – supporting brave steps forward fosters freedom.
You don’t need to fix their feelings – your job is to support them feeling feelings and taking action anyway.
Your flexible presence is powerful – even when you feel unsure inside.

Final Thoughts

Your child’s self-worth doesn’t come from never feeling anxious again. It comes from learning they are more than their anxiety or OCD, that they can feel uncomfortable feelings and still live a life connected to what matters to them.

Keep stepping forward together, one small brave choice at a time.

Because parenting an anxious child is hard – but it doesn’t have to feel impossible.