How to Talk to Your Child's Teacher About Their Anxiety or OCD (Free Email Template Included)
The parent teacher conference is coming up, or maybe you just got a "just checking in" email from the teacher. Your stomach clenches. You know you need to say something about your child's anxiety or OCD, but the words get stuck.
You're worried. Will they think you're a high-maintenance parent? Will they label your kid as "difficult"? Or—maybe worse—will they just not get it?
But here’s the biggest fear for parents who are trying to do this work: What if the teacher just accommodates the anxiety? What if they mean well, but they accidentally make the Worry stronger by letting your child skip everything that's hard?
If this is your fear, you’re in the right place.
This conversation isn't about handing the teacher a long list of things your child "can't do." This is a team effort. You are the expert on your child, the teacher is the expert on the classroom, and you are about to team up against a common opponent: Worry.
You're going in with a game plan.
Step 1: Ditch the "Accommodator" Mindset and Become the "Coach"
Your instinct is to protect. It's the most loving, natural instinct in the world. It’s what makes you want to email the teacher and say, "Please don't call on him," or "She gets very upset about tests, can she do them in another room?"
This is accommodation. It feels helpful in the short term, but in the long term, it just feeds the Worry Monster. It sends the message: "You can't handle this. This feeling is dangerous."
A coach, on the other hand, says, "I know this is hard, and I know you can handle it. Let's use the plan."
When you talk to the teacher about anxiety, you're not there to list all the things to avoid. You're there to share the plan for how your child will learn to handle the process of feeling anxious.
Step 2: Know the Difference: "Helpful" vs. "Unhelpful" Accommodations
This is where keywords like school accommodations for OCD or a 504 plan for anxiety come in. But we have to be smart about them. We want accommodations that build skills, not just provide an escape.
Here's the difference:
Unhelpful Accommodation (Feeds Worry): "My child must be allowed to leave the room any time they feel anxious and go to the nurse's office."
The Message: "When you feel anxious, you must flee."
Helpful Strategy (Builds Skill): "We have a plan. When my child feels anxious, they'll use their 'reset' signal (like putting a red card on their desk). They will then move their body in the classroom and using a self talk coping phrase that they have practiced, and then re-join the activity. Can we team up on this?"
The Message: "When you feel anxious, you have a tool. You can tolerate this feeling, and it will pass."
See the difference? One is about running away; the other is about learning to ride the wave.
Step 3: Be Clear, Concrete, and Collaborative
Don't overwhelm the teacher with clinical diagnoses or a long, psychological history. They are busy and need to know one thing: What does this look like in their classroom, and what's the one thing they can do?
Instead of saying: "My daughter has generalized anxiety disorder with contamination-based obsessive-compulsive disorder."
Try saying: "I want to team up with you. My daughter is working on bossing back her 'Worry,' which loves to trick her with germ worries. You might see this show up as her getting 'stuck' washing her hands or avoiding touching things others have touched"
Then, provide the game plan:
"At home, our plan isn't to reassure her that she's 'clean.' Our plan is to acknowledge the feeling and move on. We say, 'I know Worry is bugging you right now. Let's go do the next thing.' It would be amazing if you could be our partner in this. If you see her 'stuck,' instead of reassuring her, just prompting her to the next activity would be a huge help."
You've named the problem (Worry), explained what it looks like (stuck at the sink), and given a clear, simple action (prompt to the next thing).
Free Email Template: How to Start the Conversation
Feeling stuck on that first email to the teacher about your child's anxiety? Here’s a simple, confident template. Copy, paste, and customize it.
Subject: Teaming up for [Child's Name] in [Teacher's Name]'s Class
Body:
Dear [Teacher's Name],
I wanted to connect briefly to give you a quick heads-up about how [Child's Name]'s brain works. He/She is a bright and [positive adjective] kid who is also working hard to manage what we call the "Worry Part" (anxiety/OCD).
Sometimes this Worry Part shows up in the classroom. For [Child's Name], this might look like: (Keep this to 1-2 clear, observable examples)
Example 1: Asking the same reassurance question multiple times (e.g., "Are you sure I did this right?").
Example 2: Erasing and re-writing work, or seeming "stuck" on a task.
Example 3: Headaches or stomachaches when a new activity is introduced.
We are working at home to help [Child's Name] learn to tolerate discomfort, not just avoid it. Our main strategy is to acknowledge the feeling but not feed the worry.
I would love to find 10 minutes to chat with you about the simple, one-minute strategies we use at home so we can be a strong, consistent team for [Child's Name] this year.
Thanks so much for your partnership!
Best,
[Your Name]
The Bottom Line
This conversation isn't a one-and-done. It's the start of a partnership. By partnering with your child's school, you are modeling how to talk about anxiety with confidence, not shame. You're showing your child that they have a whole team of coaches in their corner, all ready to help them boss back the Worry Part.
Ready to Build That Game Plan?
If you're staring at that email template and your heart is still pounding because you're not sure what your strategies are yet, I can help.
Let's work together to create a clear, simple, and effective plan for your child—one you can confidently share with their teacher and finally get everyone on the same page.
