Is It Anxiety or OCD? A Guide for Parents
All kids have some level of worry.
They worry about monsters, getting a shot at the doctor's, or whether they'll have someone to sit with at lunch. A certain amount of worry is just... life. It’s part of of being a small human in a big world.
But then there's the other kind of worry.
The kind that gets big. The kind that gets sticky. The kind that starts making rules for your child, and pretty soon, starts making rules for your whole family.
This is the kind of worry that makes parents lie awake at 2 a.m. Googling things like "how to tell if my child has anxiety or OCD."
If that's you, welcome. Let's get straight to it.
When worry turns from a passing feeling into a full-time boss, it starts to look a lot like an anxiety disorder. And that's not a scary, final judgment. It's just a name for a pattern. The most important thing for you, as a parent, is to learn to spot the pattern.
Because anxiety and OCD are not about the thing your child is worried about (the test, the germs, the "what if I get sick" thought).
They are about the process. And that process has a very clear M.O.
Anxiety’s M.O.: The Big Signs It's More Than Just Worry
Anxiety is a con artist. It shows up promising safety—"If you just do what I say, you'll be fine!"—but its real goal is to make your child's world smaller and smaller.
It operates on two main principles. See if these sound familiar.
1. The Hunt for Reassurance
This is the "Are you sure...?" question. Over, and over, and over.
"Are you sure I won't get sick?"
"Are you sure you're not going to be late picking me up?"
"Are you sure that dog won't bite?"
"Tell me again that everything will be okay."
You, being a good parent, answer. You reassure. Because it makes them feel better! ...for about three minutes.
Then the anxiety comes back, needing another hit. This isn't a conversation; it's a trap. Anxiety has just recruited you into the pattern. Your reassurance is now part of the problem, feeding the "need for 100% certainty" that anxiety demands.
2. The Master of Avoidance
If anxiety can't get certainty, its next best trick is avoidance.
If your child is afraid of dogs, you cross the street. Afraid of germs? You buy the industrial-strength hand sanitizer and let them wash 40 times a day. Afraid of sleepovers? They just... stop going.
Seem logical? It is. But every time your child avoids something, the anxiety whispers, "See? I saved you. That was definitely dangerous. You should listen to me more often."
Avoidance is anxiety's food. It makes it stronger every single time.
3. The Family Accommodation
This is the big one. This is how you really know you've got a problem.
How is your family bending around the anxiety?
Do you speak for your child in public because they're "too shy"?
Do you check all the locks just one more time so they can sleep?
Do you text them 15 times while they're at a friend's house "just to check in"?
Do you make a separate meal because they're worried the food "touched"?
We do this out of love. We want to ease their distress. But what we're actually doing is called accommodation. We're telling the child, "You're right, this is too hard for you. You can't handle it. Let me help anxiety do its job."
When Worry Gets "Stuck": Is It OCD?
So what’s the difference between anxiety and OCD? People throw "OCD" around all the time. "Oh, I'm so OCD, I like my desk clean."
That's not OCD.
OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) is anxiety's more demanding, specific, and frankly, weirder cousin. It follows a very specific, looping pattern.
1. The Obsession: This isn't just a "worry." This is an intrusive, unwanted, terrifying thought, image, or urge that gets stuck in their brain.
"What if I'm contaminated with germs that will kill my family?"
"What if I have a secret bad thought that makes me a bad person?"
"What if I didn't lock the door and something terrible will happen?"
"What if this 'just right' feeling isn't perfect?"
2. The Compulsion: This is the ritual the child must do to neutralize the thought or make the awful feeling go away.
Wash hands until they're raw.
Tap a doorway a certain number of times.
Ask you, "Am I a good person?" over and over.
Re-read a sentence until it feels "right."
Arrange things perfectly.
Here's the key: The child doesn't want to do the ritual. They have to. It feels like a life-or-death command from their own brain. OCD is a bully. It's "do this, or else."
General anxiety is often about avoiding a future threat ("Don't go to the party!"). OCD is about neutralizing a current, terrifying thought ("Tap the wall, or Mom will get in a car crash!").
The Most Important Question for Parents
So, how do you tell if your child has anxiety or OCD?
Stop looking only at your child.
Look at the pattern.
Ask yourself this: How much space is this worry taking up in our home? How much are we all working for it?
If you feel like you and your child are trapped in a loop of reassurance-seeking, avoidance, or strange, non-negotiable rituals... you're probably not just dealing with "a kid thing." You're dealing with a pattern.
And the good news? Patterns can be broken.
What to Do Next (Right Now)
Stop Being the Reassurance Machine. The next time your child asks, "Are you sure...?" try responding with a question. "That sounds like your Worry is talking. What do you think?" or "I've already answered that. I'm not having this conversation with your Anxiety." This is hard. But it's the first step.
Call It by Its Name. Give the anxiety or OCD a name. "The Boss," "Mr. Sticky," "The Worry part." ("Oh, look, Mr. Sticky is trying to get you to wash again. We're not listening to him.") This externalizes it. It separates your child from the disorder.
Find a Pro. You wouldn't try to set your kid's broken arm yourself. Don't try to fight this pattern alone. Find a therapist who specializes in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) for OCD or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety. They will give you—and your child—the real tools to boss this thing back.
If this post resonated with you and you're feeling overwhelmed, that's a sign you're ready to get some support. I work with parents just like you every single day. Reach out here if you're ready to talk about how we can work together.
